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Conversations Should Be a Two-Way Street: What to Do About a Conversational Narcissist

Amy Khan

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where the other person dominates every topic, turning it back to themselves? Instead of asking about you or showing genuine interest in your life, they focus solely on their experiences, challenges, or relationships. This kind of dynamic can be exhausting, leading to resentment and a lack of balance in the relationship.


My Experience

I’ve encountered conversational narcissism in many forms, through personal relationships, friendships, family dynamics, and even professional interactions. It can feel disheartening and frustrating when conversations consistently lack balance, leaving you feeling unheard, drained or overlooked.


One important lesson I’ve learned in therapy is that while it’s essential to assert yourself and communicate your feelings, sometimes setting firm boundaries isn’t feasible. In certain situations, it’s about recognizing your own parameters and adjusting your approach, whether by disengaging or keeping the person at arm’s length.


A Culture of Self-Focus

We live in a society where everything seems to revolve around us. That’s a conversation for another time, but it’s something I’ve reflected on deeply, especially in the healing and self-growth space. While these environments can foster incredible transformation, they often place an emphasis on our problems being the focal point. Over the years, I’ve realized that this focus on the self is something we all wrestle with to some degree.


After all, we are each living a version of our own world or reality. It’s natural to view life through our personal lens. However, relationships thrive on reciprocity, and when self-focus becomes too dominant, it can lead to imbalance.


Recognizing Conversational Narcissism

While everyone has moments of self-focus, relationships require a balance of sharing and listening. If this imbalance becomes a pattern, it’s essential to address it.

Conversational narcissists may:

  • Consistently shift conversations back to themselves.

  • Rarely, if ever, ask how you're doing.

  • Use your words as a springboard to share their own stories or vent.

  • Seem oblivious to the imbalance in your interactions.


Addressing the Issue

If you value the relationship and want to salvage it, having an honest conversation is key.

Share Your PerspectiveGently express how you feel. For example, you could say: “I’ve noticed that when we talk, our conversations often focus on what’s happening in your life. I’d love for us to have more of a balance where we both share and support each other.”


Set Expectations

Explain that mutual listening is important to you. Highlight that you’re looking for a more reciprocal connection.


Be Specific

Often, conversational narcissists aren’t aware of their behavior. Use "I" statements to express your feelings constructively: “I’ve been feeling unheard in our conversations lately. It feels like the focus shifts away from me before I can share, and I’d really appreciate a more balanced exchange.”

Framing your feedback as an opportunity for growth rather than criticism allows the other person to reflect and potentially improve.


Setting Boundaries

If the behavior persists, prioritize your emotional well-being by setting boundaries.

You might say:

  • “Before we start, is this a conversation where we’ll both share, or do you need to vent? I want to be clear about what I can offer emotionally right now.”

  • “I can listen for a few minutes, but I might need to cut it short because I don’t have the emotional bandwidth today.”

This approach encourages them to consider their communication habits while protecting your energy.


When to Walk Away

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the other person won’t change. In these moments, it’s essential to remember that letting go is a normal and healthy part of life. Relationships ebb and flow, and not all are meant to last forever. The best thing you can do when a relationship becomes one-sided or draining is to honor yourself by walking away. Staying in a dynamic that depletes your energy doesn’t serve either party. By letting go, you create space for more fulfilling and balanced connections to come into your life.


To Sum It Up

Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, active listening, and balance. If you find yourself in a friendship with a conversational narcissist, prioritize your emotional well-being. Whether you choose to address the issue, set boundaries, or walk away, remember that you deserve to feel seen, heard, and valued in your relationships.


Here’s to healthier conversations and stronger connections. Until next time, take care of yourself and your relationships!

— Amy Khan

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