
Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where the other person dominates every topic, turning it back to themselves? Instead of asking about you or showing genuine interest in your life, they focus solely on their experiences, challenges, or relationships. This kind of dynamic can be exhausting, leading to resentment and a lack of balance in the relationship.
My Experience
I’ve encountered conversational narcissism in many forms, through personal relationships, friendships, family dynamics, and even professional interactions. It can feel disheartening and frustrating when conversations consistently lack balance, leaving you feeling unheard, drained or overlooked.
One important lesson I’ve learned in therapy is that while it’s essential to assert yourself and communicate your feelings, sometimes setting firm boundaries isn’t feasible. In certain situations, it’s about recognizing your own parameters and adjusting your approach, whether by disengaging or keeping the person at arm’s length.
A Culture of Self-Focus
We live in a society where everything seems to revolve around us. That’s a conversation for another time, but it’s something I’ve reflected on deeply, especially in the healing and self-growth space. While these environments can foster incredible transformation, they often place an emphasis on our problems being the focal point. Over the years, I’ve realized that this focus on the self is something we all wrestle with to some degree.
After all, we are each living a version of our own world or reality. It’s natural to view life through our personal lens. However, relationships thrive on reciprocity, and when self-focus becomes too dominant, it can lead to imbalance.
Recognizing Conversational Narcissism
While everyone has moments of self-focus, relationships require a balance of sharing and listening. If this imbalance becomes a pattern, it’s essential to address it.
Conversational narcissists may:
Consistently shift conversations back to themselves.
Rarely, if ever, ask how you're doing.
Use your words as a springboard to share their own stories or vent.
Seem oblivious to the imbalance in your interactions.
Addressing the Issue
If you value the relationship and want to salvage it, having an honest conversation is key.
Share Your PerspectiveGently express how you feel. For example, you could say: “I’ve noticed that when we talk, our conversations often focus on what’s happening in your life. I’d love for us to have more of a balance where we both share and support each other.”
Set Expectations
Explain that mutual listening is important to you. Highlight that you’re looking for a more reciprocal connection.
Be Specific
Often, conversational narcissists aren’t aware of their behavior. Use "I" statements to express your feelings constructively: “I’ve been feeling unheard in our conversations lately. It feels like the focus shifts away from me before I can share, and I’d really appreciate a more balanced exchange.”
Framing your feedback as an opportunity for growth rather than criticism allows the other person to reflect and potentially improve.
Setting Boundaries
If the behavior persists, prioritize your emotional well-being by setting boundaries.
You might say:
“Before we start, is this a conversation where we’ll both share, or do you need to vent? I want to be clear about what I can offer emotionally right now.”
“I can listen for a few minutes, but I might need to cut it short because I don’t have the emotional bandwidth today.”
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