When Letting Go Isn’t Enough: A Deeper Look at Healing and Understanding What Holds Us Back
Amy Khan
Jan 203 min read
Updated: Jan 20
When a friend recently told me, "You just need to let go and move forward," I felt a familiar wave of frustration. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard this kind of advice, and it likely won’t be the last. But it sparked a reflection on how these well-meaning but surface-level responses often fall short. For those of us who feel truly stuck, the idea of simply "letting go" or "rewiring the subconscious" is far easier said than done. It’s a tidy solution to a messy, deeply human challenge. And yet, what lies beneath our inability to move forward is precisely what needs understanding and attention.
As a clinical hypnotist with over a decade of experience using guided meditations and positive suggestions, I’ve spent years working on rewiring my own mind. I’ve immersed myself in tools, techniques and sound frequencies that aim to shift the subconscious, and I’ve witnessed transformations—both in myself and in others. Still, I know firsthand that change isn’t as simple as flipping a switch or commanding something to leave, as some spiritual practices might suggest.
Why Letting Go Isn’t Always the Answer
Instead of trying to remove or force something to transform, what if we focused on understanding it? During my time in the new-age spiritual community, I often encountered a “just think positive” mentality, where difficult emotions were brushed over with affirmations. Later, as a Christian, I heard the phrase, "Command the Spirit of (fear, sadness, etc) to leave in Jesus' name." While these methods can work for some, they’re not universally effective. Often, it’s not a spirit or a fleeting negative thought at the root of our struggles. It’s something deeper: a program, a trauma, a belief system, or even a part of ourselves crying out to be understood.
If letting go were as simple as deciding to shift a mindset, wouldn’t the world be transformed by now? The truth is that trauma and fear are stored in the body, and they don’t simply dissolve with positive affirmations or willpower. Consider addicts, for example. Their neural pathways are wired to seek substances that provide a dopamine hit. Breaking free from addiction often requires more than sheer willpower, which is why many relapse despite their best intentions. Similarly, when we’re stuck in patterns we desperately want to change, our entire being fights to hold onto what it knows—even when it’s hurting us.
The Path to Healing: Listening, Not Fighting
So, how do we heal? How do we let go of trauma and move forward? The answer, I’ve found, lies not in fighting these parts of ourselves but in sitting with them. Listening to them. Being with them. It’s about understanding all facets of what’s holding us back, even the parts we’d rather ignore.
This process isn’t quick or easy. It requires patience and a willingness to explore the darker, more uncomfortable corners of our inner world. Positive reinforcement has its place, but it’s most effective after we’ve done the work of acknowledging and shining a light on our pain. For example, when someone is angry, trying to force them to calm down often backfires. But if they’re allowed to fully express their anger and release what’s been bottling up inside, they can later reflect on it with greater clarity and awareness.
Embracing Understanding with God’s Guidance
When we allow ourselves to sit with our struggles, we create space for God’s guidance to help us understand why we’re holding onto them. This understanding can illuminate the path forward. What’s blocking us internally is often the doorway to a brighter future, but we can’t walk through that door until we “innerstand”—a deeper level of understanding that connects the mind, body, and spirit.
Healing isn’t about commanding parts of ourselves to leave or pretending they don’t exist. It’s about embracing the fullness of our experience, even the painful parts, and allowing God’s love to bring clarity and peace. Let yourself listen. Let yourself understand. Only then can you truly let go.
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